Just Walk Away

Wise Words

يخاطبني السفيه بكل قبح 

فأكره أن أكون له مجيبا

يزيد سفاهة فأزيد حلما

كعود زاده الإحراق طيبا

للإمام الشافعي

21.

I remember when I was in high school, I dreamed of the day I turned 21.

And now its here...

I wouldn't say I changed a lot. But I think I've become a wiser, more mature, person who knows exactly who she is and what she wants from life - I even look prettier than I did four years ago!

A better version of myself - and let's face isn't that all what we want from age.

But still, there's so much more to learn! `

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." Abraham Lincoln

Wise Words: A.A. Milne

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

- Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh 

(Author: A.A. Milne)

BE PRETTY

On Forgiveness

It's that time of year that when we're supposed to forgive while hoping others forgive us too. Our sins aren't completely erased until those we wronged on purpose or not have truly forgiven us. Mass messages asking forgiveness are sent, and  mass messages claiming forgiveness to all are sent too.

We try to forgive others hoping they too will forgive. But is it enough?

I don't think people really understand the concept of forgiving everyone. To tell you the truth, it is hard! Forgiving everyone means:
- Forgiving the people who talk about you behind your back.
- Forgiving that person who refused to give you way on the road.
- Forgiving those who didn't explain the assignment you missed.
- Forgiving that person who rudely shoved you rushing by in the mall.
- Forgiving that one person who always seems to have something mean to say.
- Forgiving that other person that deliberately tries to offend you.
- Forgiving every malicious thing said about you to you and behind your back.
- Forgiving those evil glances and snide remarks.
- Forgiving those close to you for not understanding.
- Forgiving all for how they made you feel.

It is HARD! I'm not the one to hold a grudge, but if you think about it have you really forgiven people or did you merely just forget.

Forgiving and Forgetting are too different things.

Test yourself: try and remember an encounter where someone had hurt you're feeling. Is there a tiny bit of hurt still there?? If so, you may have forgotten about it but you didn't forgive at least not completely.

I once heard that the stupid neither forgive nor forget, the naive forgive and forget, but the wise forgive but do not forget. And that forgiving is not forgetting, it's letting go of the hurt.

How can I achieve that? As I always I looked for hints in the words of wise people.

"You will know forgiveness has begun when you recall those who have hurt you and feel the power to wish them well." - Lewis B. Smuedes.

I think I am powerful enough.


To all those who have hurt me in a small or large way; now or in the past; knowingly or not... I FORGIVE YOU.

I forgive all of those I recall (and those who I don't) in every way, and I truly wish they all are leading a good healthy life.

I hope they get to read this. I also hope people who I've hurt intentionally and unintentionally find it in their heart to forgive me.

On a lighter note, if you're not motivated enough to forgive people:

"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much." - Oscar Wilde

Anyways. there' still one more day to Ramadan by then Inshallah all our sins are to be erased by our newly acquired good deeds.

WISE WORDS: On beautiful things

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart."

Helen Keller (1880 - 1968), American author, political activist, author

WISE WORDS: On actions

"The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions."

 Confucius 551 - 479 BC (Chinese thinker and social philosopher)

We always hear and/or complain about those who talk BIG but do so little! We rarely ever talk about those who talk small but action-wise they exceed all expectations. Those people I think should be celebrated. Modesty is a virtue not many own. It is hard not to tell the whole world if what you can do. I think we should all strive to be modest when talking about yourself, and let your actions speak for themselves.

How to deal with evil people?

Don't you wish you can say to a person who's being mean to you or anyone else: "You are mean and rude and no one likes you!!!!" ?

Sometimes I wish I could. But I guess that's a contradiction. If you're against rudeness, it's pretty hypocritical to be rude even to rude mean people.

But, would they care? would it affect them somehow? or perhaps change them for the better?

I like to believe that no one is born evil. That there are things in life that makes people become evil, and that deep down everyone is a good person. But that doesn't explain wars, injustice, crime, and plain ol' mean people.

How do we deal with those completely impossible people?

I'm not thinking of someone in particular - I swear! - I just thought about this while watching a movie. So I decided to find some answers. Where? To the one place that knows the answer to life, the universe, and everything... Google!

We've all seen those movies, where one kind person is able to change an evil person back to good. Maybe that doesn't always work, but I guess some of these tips I found on this website could: Think Simple Now - Dealing with difficult people. There 15 tips, but I only chose the ones I think work best, and I included my thoughts on each one.

- Forgive them.
If you think like I do, something really terrible must have happened to them to make this way. Or perhaps that's the way their family communicates with them so that's how they communicate with people. Feel sorry for them, and then forgive them.

- Don't Respond. 
I guess some people think being aggressive and rude equals being a strong person or having a strong personality. I don't think so. I think it takes far more strength, to bite your tongue and not express a mean thought. No matter how much that person deserves it.

- Stop talking about it.
The more you obsess about it, and especially to other people, the more your feelings will grow. I think the best thing is to choose one person who won't judge for talking about it, say all you need to say about that person or incident, and then never talk about it again.

- Choose to Eliminate negative people in your life.
Random mean people are easier to ignore and never to speak of again. Some people you can't eliminate but I guess it is possible to limit your interactions to a hello and a goodbye, especially if they are family members. I think we all have that friend who seems to work so hard to make us feel bad. If that person is always like that in all circumstance, waiting for you to do or say something just to say something in opposition, you should eliminate them immediately. It is never ok to keep in touch with someone who makes you feel bad. However, some people can change. I think you can meet up with them after a while, and give them a second chance if you feel they truly have changed.

- Worst case scenario.
I never tried this before. I think sometimes you don't have a chance to think what's the worst thing that could happened if you did or did not respond to someone. But I definitely think it'll be useful in some situations.

- Pour honey.
This means whenever people "pour poison" on you i.e. say something mean or hurtful, choose to "pour honey" in return i.e. say something nice. I have tried this once. It works! For some people they change and they start being nice too! But it doesn't happen quickly, it takes sometime. However, some people aren't worth being nice to for a very long time. They may continue to spread their negativity, and those people are the ones you should eliminate.


At least that's what I think.

I think everyone probably has their own way of dealing with mean/rude/evil people.

A good piece of advice would be, never stoop to their level! No matter what don't give them the pleasure of being aggressive (or passive aggressive) in return. They've got years of experience, and they probably can do it better than you can.


"Don't try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough."  - Arthur Freed

Wise Words: On Happiness

"Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort."

- Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945) US president

Wise Words: Thomas Szasz on Forgiveness

" The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget" 

Thomas Szasz (1920 - present) - psychiatrist, academic, 1979 humanist of the year

He's right! You know what they say; forgive your enemy but never forget their name! I think the meaning behind this is to never really trust that person again. Be nice and civil, but be wary of them.



LOVEMARKS: Arab Countries

I am currently reading Kevin Robert's book "Lovemarks: The future beyond brands". It was a special gift from my uncle among other books by Kevin Roberts.

I think I'll be posting ideas and thoughts on what I read here on the blog every once in a while.

Here's what I found interesting from the first chapter:

"In the Middle East I learned lessons that have been invaluable to me about how to connect with consumers, and how to do it in a place where mass marketing was in its infancy.

I learned to love the poeple. In Arab countries yoy make friends for life. The people were genuine, emotional, family-focused, hospitable. They understood their traditions and the past, and they really understood that they had a completely different future. It was very exciting. There was little resistance to the new because they didn't have much of a present. They had a past and they had a future."

This made my think of what's happening in the Arab world. I think you can substitute the words "Arab countries" with a  specific name of any other Arab country and that thought would be just as true.

Thinking about the UAE I find that it applies perfectly. We know our history, we understand our traditions, we know that the future will be a lot different than that, but what about our present? I don't think that we don't have a present. I think where we are right now the lines between the past, present, and future are blurred. I am not what my grandmother was, I am not what my (future) children will be, but I am the bridge in between.





What do you think?

WISE WORDS: Steve Martin

"Be so good they can't ignore you." 

- Steve Martin 1945 - present (actor, comedian, writer, playwright, producer, musician, composer).

Everyone loves Steve Martin. He's funny! I believe this little piece of advice on making it in show business, is just about useful in anything and everything. No matter who you are and who you want to be or what you're trying to prove: BE GOOD AT IT. I'm making this my new motto! 

Small doses of inspiration

I've been so busy with university, classes, and work that I haven't had the time to post anything in the while. Hopefully, I'll post new stuff soon!

In the meantime here's some tiny doses of inspiration in the form of a words and images:

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." - Malcolm S. Forbes

WISE WORDS: Mark Twain

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." - Mark Twain 1835 - 1910 (Humoritst/Author)

I think he's really on to something. No matter how successful, powerful, or accomplished a person is, if he/she belittles other people than he/she is just a small petty person. A truly GREAT person is modest, kind, and inspirational in a way that makes other people have faith in themselves that that could be just as great. 

DECORUM: the case of the old acquaintance

I'm so glad I finally "ran into" a new case study for my decorum post series.

Today I was in the same room as an old acquaintance. We were actually friends at one point in time, but that was a very long time ago. I'm going to refer to her as OA (Old Acquaintance).

In the past, whenever I'd run into OA I'd naturally say hi. Sometimes when I'd pass by her somewhere I never get the chance to greet her, because it seems she's not looking in my direction. I never really thought any of it. Well now we're in the same class!  I was there first and she walked in later. She didn't say hi or even look at me!

Hmm... Did she not recognize me or wasn't she paying attention to the people in the room? Or was she ignoring me? I looked over at her direction a few times in an effort to smile at her, but my efforts failed; she didn't even glance at me once!

I won't jump into assumptions, you never know if someone is having a bad day. You never really know what a person is going through, so it's a bad idea to label people instantly!  And anyways, just because people aren't nice doesn't mean thet you should be too!

Plan of action:
Next time I see OA I am going to: 1. Say "Hi OA" ;  2. Give her a compliment  ; 3. Start a converstation (not necessarily the same day). We'll see how it goes from there!



ALWAYS try to greet people you know. At least acknowledge  their presence with a smile. If you ignore people they might think that they are not important enough for you to greet them, or worse they might think that you don't think they might recognize you because you've got 0 self esteem!




"True politeness consists in being easy one's self, and in making every one about one as easy as one can." - Alexander Pope



For the first post of this series including why I started it, click here.

WISE WORDS: Quotes on behaving with class and decorum

All that talk about decorum made me research famous people's thoughts on the subject. Here's my pick on what they had to say:


"Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot." - Clarence Thomas

"A man's manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait." - Von Goethe

"I have a respect for manners as such, they are a way of dealing with people you don't agree with or like." - Margret Mead

"The only real elegance is in the mind; if you've got that, the rest really comes from it." - Diana Vreeland

"A truly elegant taste is generally accompanied with excellency of heart." - Henry Fielding

"I will only say now that elegance must be the right combination of distinction, naturalness, care, and simplicity. Outside this, believe me, there is no elegance. Only pretension." - Christian Dior

"Luxury lies not in richness and ornateness but in the absence of vulgarity. - Coco Chanel

"Politeness is the art of choosing among one's real thoughts." - Abel Stevens

"Whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude."  - Maurice Baring

"Life be not so short but that there is always time for courtesy."  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength."  - Eric Hoffer


A little humor:

THE ART OF DECORUM

Decorum is defined as "good taste in conduct or appearance" and "the conventions of polite behavior."

It is closely linked to etiquette. This topic is of great interest to me. I'm not saying that my behavior in all situations is the  finest, but I truly try to behave with class and grace. For those who have tried to do so, you probably know it is very very hard!

So I'll start a series of posts about certain situations I've been through, and how I have behaved in those circumstances. Hopefully through these posts I (and you) will be able to learn from those experiences. Maybe even do it better next time.

Why you might ask.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said "it's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." Instead of complaining of other peoples behavior, I am taking a step forward. I am going to share my feelings, trials, and findings on manners and decorum on my blog. Trying to change the world one post at a time.

Because style isn't just about wearing that pair of shoes or doing your hair in a certain way. It is about how you carry yourself. How you behave. Most importantly how you make others feel. Maya Angelou once said: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Speaking of feelings! Something happened today that I think is a suitable experience to start off this series of posts.

One of my friends (probably with good intentions) invited to me a party she was invited to. The host of the party however is someone who I am not on good terms with.

Let's rewind three-four of years back: my friend (let's call her x) introduced me to that girl (let's call her y). We didn't become friends, just acquaintances. I said hi to her whenever I ran into her and we'd only engage in small talk. Over time, Y started getting sweeter, however with that sweetness came a certain physical act. She would push me (yes literary) but be so sweet in that "oops I didn't mean to/I was just messing around/I totally secretly mean it" way. At first I let it slide, then it started happening more often and in the most of public places. I even pushed her back a few times while remaining as sweet as she was (she used hug me when she greeted me!!). Anyways this little game carried on for a while, until the day a very close and mutual friend told me about a few things Y was saying about me behind my back. I was furious but didn't say anything (I wasn't really assertive back then). A while later X told me that Y says my voice gets on her nerves. Then that was it! All the signs were crystal clear that Y hated me!  I had a few theories on why she did but, I never really asked. One day, I confronted her. I remember telling her to stop with the silly games and we should act civil as long as we had a mutual friend. She didn't have much to say, and she kind of ignored my presence. Over the years she'd only say hi to me if our mutual friend X was present. Whenever I'd see her somewhere, she would act as if her mobile phone's screen was very interesting!

Anyways back to the present! I declined my friend's offer which I hope she understands. She was trying to convince me by telling me that Y has changed. I really have forgiven Y for whatever she said/did to me in the past. But as Maya Angelou was saying, I can still remember how she made me feel. Knowing someone hates you for no clear reason does not generate positive feelings.In addition to that, other mutual friends did not step in, and I didn't want to offend X that was the main reason I did confront Y from the begining. There are a lot of negative feelings associated with that conflict. Although I got over it a long time ago, it is best I stay clear of that atmosphere. The fact X still likes to believe Y had no fault offends me a little. But the past is in the past; and it is always better to forgive and forget.

Lessons to be Learned:

- Always act with decorum even when people aren't same. It's the same rule as being nice to everyone - not because they are nice but because you are.

- Don't try to get even. I admit I did push Y a few times and in the end confronted it her, but what I am most proud of is that I did not stoop to her level (which would be starting a rumor or something of that sort).

- Confront people about how they are making you feel. Tell them it is not acceptable.

-Forgive and forget. When people let you down its better to forgive and foget. A great lesson my mother taught me is to always take in the good people have to offer and leave the negative things they may do to themselves (it sounds better in Arabic!).

- Avoid people who generate negative feelings in you. They're not really worth it. The most important thing is that when given the chance to you behave with kindness and politeness regarding them.

- When people hate you; it is not your problem its theirs. Sarah Ivens wrote in one of her book about hatred. She says when people are being nasty to another person that doesn't mean he or she deserve being hated. The general reasons for hating another person are: 1- Jealousy (When someone feels the other person is better they react by trying to lower that person's self esteem). 2- Misery (Happy people don't have the time to be resentful, cruel, or evil to other people). 3- Attraction (In the way that little boys always pick on girls they secretly like).

 

Keep it classy ;)

WISE WORDS: Ralph Waldo Emerson

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803 -1882 (lecturer; essayist; poet)

WISE WORDS: Audrey Hepburn

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." - Audrey Hepburn 1929 - 1993

One of my all time favorite quotes <3